Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 11
Do you have any particular advice to offer on the dating process?
Advice on DatingOne of the most important pieces of advice that I give to people today in dating, is that although they know that they are dating for the sake of marriage… that's why they're going out, because they want to meet someone that they can take care of… but when they're actually out on the date they have to put that out of their mind. Why? Because otherwise what constantly runs through my head is — Am I selling myself well to this person? I really want them to want to marry me so am I presenting myself well? — And I end up not allowing my personality to come out and I don't let them really get to know me. And the truth is, I don't really get to know them either. Rather, what I recommend is that when people go out, they take on the following attitude. I'll explain it reflecting on my own life. One of the best parts about my job is the spectacular people that I get to meet. I think that what really holds me in the job is that I get to meet such special people. And people are our most precious possessions, so to speak. They're our most precious qualities. So I'm so excited when I have a chance to sit down and talk for an hour with somebody who has lived a life, who is an expert at certain things, who has interesting perspectives, who has a completely different intellectual, spiritual, psychological profile than anyone whom I've ever met before. And I enjoy them.
In the exact same way, when you go out on a date, your attitude should be — Hey, I've got an hour to spend to meet a person I've never met before and hear their take on what life is all about and what they find interesting. To experience their sense of humor, to delve into another human being. Put out of your head that this person is going to be deciding if they want to marry you or not. Don't have that in your head. Just think, I'm there to enjoy an interesting human being. That helps everybody relax and makes the dating much more effective.
How about the ever-present question of physical intimacy? How much and how soon?
Physical IntimacyA lot of people are speaking about this today. The sexual component of a relationship is so immensely powerful that it can completely blind us to subtleties in the other person's personality. And therefore, if the sexual component of a relationship is introduced during the dating process, it is extremely likely that both parties are going to miss crucial parts of the other's personality, which might encourage them to marry them or might discourage them from marrying them. Once a woman especially, becomes sexually involved with a man, it becomes almost impossible for her to be objective any longer about his personality. She
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