Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 13
established their academic degree or their career, is because they're afraid that if this man abandons them, they won't have a way of supporting themselves. This is very destructive because the woman is walking into the marriage with a certain degree of hesitance. From day number one she's not fully committed and she's already planning for what she's going to do if she has to leave. Okay, now I understand why she's doing that. With divorce rates as high as they are today, so you argue it makes sense to take care of yourself. But realize it's a vicious cycle, and if you walk into a relationship and from day one are not fully committed and intending on being with this person forever, then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and that itself will tear the relationship apart. Therefore, I strongly recommend that when the couple has dated long enough, and they know they want to get married to each other, so they should get married and they should not worry if they have not finished graduate school yet, or if their careers are not intact. However they were making it as a single, they will make it as a married couple. If the parents were helping, the parents will continue to help. If the parents will not continue to help, then each one will take on a part time job; they'll rough it out. When my parents got married, in the old days so to speak, there was no concept of being financially well-to-do before you got married. Couples got married. They were starving when they got married. They toughed it out together. That cemented their relationship. So in a way, these Orthodox Jews are guiding us back towards that very traditional approach that when you're ready to get married, you get married. And the academic degrees you can still pursue, and the financial independence you can still pursue. But God, don't wait to live with the one that you love and the one who's going to make your life more meaningful than anything else, don't wait for that until you've established some sort of financial independence.
Any other pointers to share with us on the dating game?
Checking Them OutAnother important recommendation for those people who are dating is that you don't pick up a guy or a girl in a bar, because you have no idea who you're picking up. And I can't tell you how many broken hearts I've tried to put back together, where the damage resulted from someone meeting a total stranger without really knowing what their background was. Therefore, I recommend to all my students that they not date somebody until the person has been checked out, so to speak, by someone that you trust. So if relatives know the person, can check a little bit into the background and see where he or she is coming from, that's a great thing. If friends know the person and can check a little bit into the background to see where the person is coming from, do that. Only after you have checked the person out carefully, then go out with them.
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