Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 17
If you have a great sense of humor, if you have a tremendous intellect, your career is crashing through the seventh heaven, so that's not something that you have to display in its full glory. Instead, you can talk to each other about what you would like in life, what you dream of, what makes you happy, what makes you sad. These sorts of things. And just have fun together. But not to flash the blinding externals early on in the process.
What if the problem is in the opposite direction? What if you feel that your externals are only average or below that? Should you be yourself? Should you put on a show of being more glittering than you really are?
So to some extent this is reasonable. You do want to be attractive. You do want to catch the eye of your potential partner. But you have to make sure that your presentation is not a lie, and you have to make sure that whatever you do in order to make your externals more attractive, is not self destructive. Unfortunately, because we're such a superficial culture, there are more and more people seeking potentially dangerous plastic surgeries every year. And doing so is dually destructive. One, it's always dangerous to go under a general anesthetic. It's always dangerous to go under the knife. And that is probably an extreme response to insecurity, and you don't need to do something that drastic. The breast enlargement surgeries, all these sorts of things that are being done, no-one really knows what the side effects could be down the line. We know there have been some terrible disasters and it's just not worth it. So on the one hand, physically you're putting yourself at risk. On the other hand, when you try to make yourself more attractive by using these drastic means, you do psychological damage to yourself, because you drive home the message… you put into your heart a belief that you really aren't attractive without this external thing, whatever it is. That unless I pretend that I'm making $10,000,000 a year, I'm really not worthwhile, and of course, that makes me feel bad about myself. If I feel that without a certain figure I'm just not acceptable, and getting that figure requires surgery, so that sends a message right into my subconscious that essentially, inherently, I'm not an attractive person, and that's problematic. Now of course, what kind of fluffing up, so to speak, do we encourage? So certainly present yourself in a beautiful fashion. Not all ladies want to wear makeup, but if you want to wear makeup, wear makeup. Beautiful. Not all men dress in designer cut clothing, but if you want to do such a thing, fine. That's not so radical. But to do something which is potentially destructive to yourself physically or psychologically… it's common, I admit, but it's not healthy.
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