Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 19
Which brings us to the next, most expensive step of the process. Planning the wedding.
Planning the Big DayOkay, now, the wedding. There's a couple of important things to know. One is if her parents or his parents are paying for the wedding, or both parents are paying for the wedding, then the couple has to realize that the wedding is for the parents, not for the couple. And therefore, the couple should do whatever the parents want to do. She gets him and he gets her. Let the parents have the wedding. So I recommend to couples that they be very, very easy going and whoever's paying for the wedding, let them make the determination. Now of course, if only one side is paying for the wedding, either for traditional reasons or because the other side can't afford it, one still must be sensitive to the desires of the second side. And often here children can play a role in helping their parents and their in-laws understand the needs of the other parent or the other in-law. Meaning that he can express to his parents what her parents need, and she can express to her parents what his parents need. In this way, both sets of parents will end up happy at the wedding, which is the goal. The wedding is for the parents if they're paying for it.
Another piece of important advice. Today it is tragically common that people will blow massive amounts of money on a wedding when later on down the line they're really going to need that money to stay afloat, to stay financially above water. And it's a vicious cycle because since everybody else throws such expensive weddings, if we don't throw such an expensive wedding, then it doesn't look nice. But if the couple is creative and they're clever, they can find ways to drastically reduce costs. And it doesn't mean that you can't invite a large party to the wedding. You can invite a very large group of people, but you don't need to have a long dessert table, you don't need necessarily to have smorgasbord. There are very expensive aspects of the celebration that can be reduced and no-one will really care. Ironically, I've found that those people who thought carefully and spent less on their wedding, they tend to have the most spectacular memories of their wedding. Perhaps because they were focusing on more important things.
Another important thing to keep in mind at the wedding. Under the marriage canopy you have a captive audience. There are a large group of people sitting there usually, who are listening to every word, because it's a very special moment. And if there are ideals that the two of you are going to be building your marriage on… religious ideals, moral ideals, ethical ideals… that is a good time for the couple and/or any clergy who are present, to affirm those ideals. Not only because it creates such a beautiful environment for the couple that they get to
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