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Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 25



I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about. These traditional Jews believe that the way that you get close to another person, the essential organ of intimacy in a human being is the mouth. And while it's true that when someone speaks to me I get to know them, I get to like them, the traditional Jewish perspective is that it's when you speak to somebody else that you create true intimacy. That is that the more that you speak to somebody, the more close you feel to that person. Now what's interesting here is the difference between men and women. Traditional Jews speak about a male style of speech and a female style of speech. And while it's true that men do sometimes engage in female speech and women do sometimes engage in male speech, women are dominant when it comes to female speech and men are dominant when it comes to male speech. What is the difference? The difference is, female speech is essentially about relationship and male speech is essentially about productivity. Sometimes a woman will be speaking to a man and she's talking to him and she's telling him about an idea that she has or a feeling that she has, and she's communicating with him, giving over herself to him. And she might speak to him for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and he will just sit there nodding. And then after 20 or 30 minutes she'll say to him — Well, what do you think? — He says to her — Yes, I agree. Silence. At which point she'll then again speak to him for 10, 15, 20 minutes and then say — Well what do you think? — And he'll say — Yes. Sounds good. — And after enough of this, the woman will grab him by the collar and shake him and say — Talk to me!! —

What's going on? Men are more inclined towards male speech, which is productive speech. Male speech is statements like — Excuse me, could you please pass the ketchup? Or — No, no, I'll take out the trash. Hey, who's paying the water bill? — That's all male speech. It gets things done. Female speech is very different. In female speech there is not necessarily any purpose other than drawing close to the one that you're speaking to. Sometimes you'll see two women walking down the street and they're both talking simultaneously. And that's not because they're not caring about each other. The opposite is true. The essential purpose of the conversation was far beyond the mundane communication of needs or instructions. Rather, the reason they're talking to each other is to draw close. So men are often hesitant to speak unless something specifically needs to be said to accomplish something functional. Women, on the other hand, will speak even if there's nothing that needs to be said. And the reason is because they're sensitive to the higher power of speech. Women posses a sensitivity here that men lack, and that is that we draw close by speaking to another. This presents a challenge to men. Men have to learn to open up and communicate their feelings, their thoughts, to their spouse, to their wife. And it's not always comfortable at the beginning for men to do such a thing. But it's crucial, not to satisfy his wife, it's crucial for his own intimate life in order for him to actually draw close to his wife. He has to learn to open up to her.



Kelemen 1 | Kelemen 2 | Kelemen 3 | Kelemen 4 | Kelemen 5 | Kelemen 6 | Kelemen 7 | Kelemen 8 | Kelemen 9 | Kelemen 10 | Kelemen 11 | Kelemen 12 | Kelemen 13 | Kelemen 14 | Kelemen 15 | Kelemen 16 | Kelemen 17 | Kelemen 18 | Kelemen 19 | Kelemen 20 | Kelemen 21 | Kelemen 22 | Kelemen 23 | Kelemen 24 | Kelemen 25 | Kelemen 26 | Kelemen 27 |
Rosie & Sherry 1 | Rosie & Sherry 2 | Rosie & Sherry 3 | Rosie & Sherry 4 | Rosie & Sherry 5 | Rosie & Sherry 6 | Rosie & Sherry 7 | Rosie & Sherry 8 | Rosie & Sherry 9 | Rosie & Sherry 10 | Rosie & Sherry 11 | Rosie & Sherry 12 | Rosie & Sherry 13 |
Rottman 1 | Rottman 2 | Rottman 3 | Rottman 4 | Rottman 5 | Rottman 6 | Rottman 7 | Rottman 8 | Rottman 9 | Rottman 10 | Rottman 11 | Rottman 12 | Rottman 13 | Rottman 14 | Rottman 15 | Rottman 16 |
D Heller 1 | D Heller 2 | D Heller 3 | D Heller 4 | D Heller 5 | D Heller 6 | D Heller 7 | D Heller 8 | D Heller 9 | D Heller 10 | D Heller 11 | D Heller 12 | D Heller 13 | D Heller 14 | D Heller 15 | D Heller 16 |
T Heller 1 | T Heller 2 | T Heller 3 | T Heller 4 | T Heller 5 | T Heller 6 | T Heller 7 |
Green 1 | Green 2 | Green 3 | Green 4 | Green 5 | Green 6 | Green 7 | Green 8 | Green 9 | Green 10

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