Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 27
want a Divorce. — I never saw such a thing. I never heard about a couple who, the woman said — I want a divorce. He forgot my 25th anniversary. I'm out of here. — It's never based on something major like that. What is it usually based on? I kid you not. It's usually based on something like — I can't stand that she never puts the cap back on the toothpaste. — I had a woman who swore to me that her husband didn't love her. I said — How do you know? What makes you think he doesn’t love you? — she explained to me — When he uses the toilet at night, he always forgets to put the lid down. I go in there at night, I fall right in. — I said to her — You must be kidding. Based on that you're going to divorce the man? — A fellow came to me. He wanted to divorce his wife. I said — Why? He had started to grow a beard and he said to me — She doesn't like the beard. She won't let me grow the beard. I'm going to divorce her. I said — Give me a knife. I'll cut the beard or your throat. Are you crazy? You have a great lady and you're going to divorce her because of the beard. — It turns out that if I really, really care about somebody, I'll sweat the small things. And more than that, the more that I sweat the small things, the more I actually learn to care about the person.
Every now and then a couple will come to me and the marriage is doing fine. And I'll ask them — Your marriage is doing fine. What are you here for? And they say — We just came for some pointers. — At which point I'll say — Listen, your marriage is doing fine. Maybe you'll give me some pointers. Tell me, why is your marriage doing so great? How do you know that she really loves you? And the guy will turn to me and say — 'Well, I know'. How do you know? He'll say — 'I know'. How do you know? He says — 'I'll give you an example. When I come home at night, when I unlock the front door and I walk in, and she looks up and she sees that it's me, this big smile always spreads on her face.' I said to him — That's it? He says — 'She loves me. Look at the smile she smiles.' Another man once told me he knows that his wife loves him because whenever he comes home from work she has a hot cup of tea waiting for him. She sweats the small things. I asked a woman once, she said that her husband loved her very much. I asked her — How do you know? She said — What do you mean, how do I know? Sometimes when he leaves for work he leaves me a note. And then she started to giggle. So I said — So what? — She said — On the note there's only three words. And she giggled again. You leave a note for spouse that says "I love you". It's a small thing, but that's the kind of thing that makes a relationship go.
If you really care about somebody you'll notice the small things that make them happy. And if you really want to care about somebody, practice noticing the small things. And that will draw you into real intimacy.
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