Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Mordechai Rottman - Part 2
care for each other, something that is beyond all the expectations. What do you need? What do you need to have a relationship of love?
So first thing: The first thing is, you have to look for a person who’s kind. Kindness. What do I mean by kindness? A person who gives from a source of caring and compassion. Why is this important? Because kindness is the only way to create love. One of the most damaging fantasies that Hollywood has perpetrated against mankind is the idea that love is something which happens naturally, if you find the right one. Yes, if you find the right one something magical will occur between both of you, called love, and then you will just dance off together in the sunset and be happy for eternity. It’s not true. Physical attraction — yes. This is something natural. You find people that you’re physically attracted to and you immediately feel that you want to be close to them. But this isn’t the love we’re speaking about. Love is something that you have to work on and it has to be developed, it has to be created. And it’s created, as we said, through giving. Giving because you care.
What do you mean, giving because you care? Is there any other kind of giving?
Is there another kind of giving? Yes. You can give because you want to get. That’s right, there’s two kinds of giving. There’s giving to give and there’s giving to get. What do I mean by giving to get? Okay, how about, your customer service representative at your local bank. You may even get a free candy while you speak to her. Is that giving to give? Come on! They want business, they want customers. They’re basically giving to you because they want to get your business. Look, it’s better than getting mugged. Right? I’d rather have that than being roughed up by a bunch of hoodlums. But that’s not the kind of giving which is going to create a happy marriage. It’s not the kind of giving that is going to create a loving marriage. Marriage isn’t a business deal. It’s not something where you sit down and you say — Look, I’m going to do this and you’re going to do that. — That’s not what we’re supposed to focus on when we’re married. Marriage is a relationship within which one creates love through giving. Giving to give, giving coming from a source of care, coming from a source of compassion.
I remember one time working in an office in New York, leafing through one of these business catalogues that are given out in all the offices, where you can order anything from monogrammed pencils to personal PCs and so on. And I won’t mention the name of the company, but at the very beginning of this book it mentions the seven cardinal principles by which the representatives and the employees of this company swear by. The very first principle in this catalogue was as follows: “As a customer you’re entitled to be treated as a real individual, with friendliness, honesty and respect.“ Okay, that’s customer service. Isn’t that nice? As a customer I’m entitled to be treated as a real individual. Heaven forbid I
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