Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Mordechai Rottman - Part 4
I remember a case where a guy was going out with a girl, and he told a relative of his who had a jewelry business — Bring me back a couple of rings when you go out of town, because I’m thinking of getting engaged and I’d like to have a few to choose from. — So his relative arrived, shows him the rings, and he finds one that he likes. And his relative says to him, “You must be really serious about this girl to be picking out a ring already.” And the guy says, “You know what? I care about her so much, I would just give it to her even if we didn’t get married.” That means that he was going out with the kind of person that he felt a sense of caring for; someone that he felt like giving to, even if he wouldn’t get anything back again. That’s the kind of caring that we’re speaking about over here.
Discovering CharacterHow do you know if a person is kind? How do you know if they’re compassionate? How do you know if they care about other people? Well, listen to what they say. When you speak to them, what are they talking about? Are they talking about helping people? Are they talking about unfortunate others? Do they speak only about themselves all the time? When you say something about yourself that requires a bit of sympathy, how do they react? Do they seem to take your problem in, absorb it, give you a sense of empathy? Or are they waiting for you to finish speaking so that they can finish talking about themselves again? If we open our eyes and we start looking beyond the externals and we think about what’s being said, we can pick up a lot about what’s really on a person’s mind. Bring up a story: a relative of yours is going through some misfortune or difficulty. See how they react. Are they coming up with solutions? Are they going to try to help you solve the problem that your relative has? Or are they sort of — tsk tsk, cluck cluck away — and wait for you to finish the story so that they can get onto something more important like — which restaurant are we going to tonight?
Of course, you’re going to have to talk a lot to find out these things about the person, and it doesn’t happen simply by just saying hello and goodbye.
Okay, to summarize, the first thing to look for, we said, is kindness because kindness is what creates true love, the love that comes through giving because you care. We mentioned that any kind of love which is claimed to exist without a sense of giving, without a sense of caring, is something that you should beware of. It’s nothing more than physical attraction and it will wither away with time, like everything which is external. A love which comes from giving is something which is internal, is something which has a sense of permanence about it and is something which will last a lifetime.
All right. We meet someone and they seem to have the giving qualities, and the feeling is mutual. What’s next on our check list when trying to find a lifelong partner?
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